Honoka's mask
by otakufan375
Summary: Honoka is being harassed by fans who hate her and she's trying to hide her hurt feelings from the others but Umi soon found out.
1. Honoka's tears

Honoka was always known as the girl who smiles but after forming Muse her happiness started to fade. Lately everyone has been referring her as an extra. They really liked the other members and Honoka appeared to be the least popular out of her friends. Honoka would read the reviews from their live shows and there were a lot of positive comments but there were also some negative comments and most of those negative comments were aimed at her. Everyone seemed to hate her and she didn't understand why. She formed Muse and this was how she was treated by the fans. Honoka's happiness has faded but she pretended to be happy and smiled all the time but all of her smiles were fake.

Honoka didn't know that being hated would hurt so much. She would often cry herself to sleep. Luckily no one has ever caught her crying yet. Honoka was prepared to lie to anyone who spots her crying. She didn't want anyone to know the true reason why she was crying. She didn't want her own feelings to get in the way of her idol activities with her friends. It was only a matter of time before someone discovers the truth. Until that day comes she'll keep pretending. What Honoka doesn't know is that Umi was already suspicious about her behavior.

Honoka was always bullied by online fans because they liked to pair up the other girls and they only saw Honoka as an extra. Honoka tried to ignore the comments but some of them were so cruel that she couldn't ignore them. Honoka would always have red eyes at the end of the day because of all the crying she has been doing. She eventually stopped crying and bottled up all the sadness in her heart. She couldn't keep crying forever and she knew it.

Umi was walking with Honoka to her house because she wanted to hang out with her but that wasn't the only reason. She sensed that there was also something wrong with her childhood friend but she wanted to know what it was. She sensed that there was something wrong with Kotori a while back and made her tell her about her going overseas to study about fashion. Now Umi was going to get the truth out Honoka. The truth is that Umi was sensing that something was wrong with Honoka when they started doing live shows she ignored them because she thought that they were minor problems but now she knew that the problem was a lot bigger than she thought. She walked with Honoka and they eventually reached her house. The two girls went up to Honoka's room and Umi waited in her room while Honoka went to change out of her uniform.

Umi looked around the room and saw that nothing has changed since she was here last time. She saw the tiny computer on Honoka's desk. She noticed that it was open so she went over to the desk and tried to see what was on it but it was protected by a password. Umi mentally cursed since she had no idea what kind of password Honoka would use. She gave up and went back to the center of the room and sat down.

Umi said bye to Honoka and left the room but she didn't go down the stairs. She peeked into Honoka's room and saw that Honoka was on her computer. She saw that she was logged back into her computer. Umi needed to see what Honoka was looking at so she can know what was going on with her childhood friend. Honoka had been attracting danger lately. Just the other day she was ambushed by someone who claimed that he was a muse fan. Honoka managed to knock him out but then there was another on and he took her by surprise. Umi managed to save her and Honoka thanked her. Umi thought that this was strange because Honoka was just attacked and she didn't looked too shaken up about it.

Umi saw that Honoka got up from her desk and was about to come out of her room. Umi rushed out the way and hid in the corner where the door would be when it was open. She knew that Honoka would not think to look there. She saw her enter the bathroom and that was her chance to check out what was going on. Umi entered Honoka's room again and looked on the laptop again and this time she was able to see what Honoka was looking at.

Umi saw that she was looking at the love live website. She had searched up their group name and saw ton videos of them performing. Umi found nothing strange about that but she saw that there was a comment section and decided to check it out. She saw a lot of positive comments but after that she saw some negative comments. What threw her off was that almost all the negative comments were directed at her. She saw comments that would call Honoka an extra and then there were comments that would call her more vulgar words that would be offensive towards women.

Umi couldn't believe that their fans were harassing Honoka like this. She couldn't believe that what she was seeing. This explained why Honoka seemed strange to her. Umi now knew that Honoka's smile was fake and that she was feeling. Umi now knew that Honoka was hiding this from the others for a long time. Umi heard a gasp and she turned around to see that Honoka was there.

"Umi? What are doing here? I thought you left" Honoka said

"I was worried about you so I came back" Umi said

"Well that's was thoughtful of you but I don't think that gives the right to go through my stuff" Honoka said

Umi looked at her and gulped. She needed to confront Honoka about this. It was possible that Honoka was mentally scarred because of the abuse from her fans. Umi needed to be careful with her words. If says something wrong she could lose Honoka as a friend.

"Honoka, I saw the comments that the fans have been leaving you" Umi said

"You did?" Honoka asked

"Yes, I'm sorry that you're being tortured like this" Umi said

"It's okay, I'm used to it" Honoka said

"It's not okay. These are our fans Honoka and if they are treating you like this then you need to tell us so we can do something about it" Umi said

Honoka looked away from Umi and she could tell that Honoka was trying to avoid the subject at hand.

"Why didn't you tell us about this?" Umi asked

"I didn't want my own feelings to get in the way of our idol activities" Honoka said

Umi couldn't believe that Honoka would shut off her own feelings for something like that. Umi stepped forward and hugged Honoka. Honoka was confused from this action.

"You're an idiot. You're feelings are always important no matter what. You took on this torture all by yourself and bottled up all the sadness" Umi said

Honoka was starting to shake. The sad feelings were starting to surface again. Honoka tried to keep it inside herself but she was slowly failing. Honoka tried to push Umi away but she failed to push her away. Umi refused to let her go. She knew that Honoka was starting to doubt herself as an idol because of the rude comments. Honoka had suffered this mental abuse for months and she kept it to herself.

"You don't have to take this on by yourself anymore" Umi said

Honoka felt some tears roll down her face. The sadness was surfacing and Umi's next comment made the dam burst.

"Let it all out Honoka. I'm here for you" Umi said

Honoka finally released all the sadness that she has been bottling up. She was sobbing so much and Umi was rubbing her back to comfort her. Honoka was releasing all the sadness that she has been bottling up inside her heart for months. She would cry a little bit from some of the comments but she didn't break down completely. She eventually stopped her short cries and that bottled up even more sadness. Umi now broke the dam that Honoka built.

"Why? Why do our fans hate me so much?! It's not fair! I just wanted to save the school from closing down and this is the treatment that I get. I want it to stop! Please make it stop!" Honoka cried

Honoka continued her painful crying. Umi didn't saying anything because she didn't know what to say.

"Umi please stay with for tonight, I need you" Honoka cried

"I'll stay with Honoka don't worry" Umi said

Umi stayed over for the night and comforted Honoka.


	2. Honoka's decision

Umi was walking in the hallways of the school. She was currently looking for her girlfriend, Kotori. Umi needed to let her know what was going on. She needed to understand that they may not be able to go on very many dates because of Honoka's depression. She found Kotori on the roof and got her attention.

"Kotori" Umi said

"Umi, I'm so glad you're here" Kotori said

Umi told Kotori what Honoka was going through and Kotori was shocked but to Umi's surprise she didn't look as concerned as Umi was.

"I'm sorry to hear that Umi. But Honoka's a strong girl. I'm sure she can get through this on her own" Kotori said

Umi was shocked to hear this from her childhood friend's mouth. The way Kotori said that made it sound like that she didn't care about what Honoka was going through. Did Kotori not care about Honoka anymore?

"I'm sorry Kotori but I can't ignore that Honoka is going through this much pain. Honoka has been fighting this all on her own for months and I thinks it's time for her to receive some help" Umi said

"Honoka doesn't need us. She can take care of herself" Kotori said

"Kotori if we leave her alone much longer she may no longer be herself. She may try to commit suicide or she could become an emotionless girl. She could become a hollow shell of her former self. This something that can't be ignored" Umi said

"She needs to conquer this on her own" Kotori said

Umi was done listening to her and the next thing she said to her girlfriend made time stop.

"Kotori, maybe we should just break up" Umi said

"What?! Why?!" Kotori asked

"I can't be with someone who doesn't care about others" Umi said

"I care about her! I'll go with you to help Honoka get better" Kotori said

Umi shook her head and told Kotori that it was over.

"You're only saying that so we won't break up. I'm sorry Kotori but it's over" Umi said

Umi left and Kotori was left by herself on the roof. Kotori had soulless eyes.

"Honoka, I don't care if you're my childhood friend. Anyone who takes Umi away from me deserves to die" Kotori said

MEANWHILE WITH HONOKA

Honoka was in the town square. She was too depressed to even go to school because her thoughts about everything that had happened was still fresh in her mind.

"What do we have here?" A voice said

Honoka looked up and saw that it was Tsubasa from A-rise.

"Tsubasa?" Honoka asked

"You look down. I'm willing to listen to you. Please tell me what's wrong" Tsubasa said

Honoka explained the entire situation and Tsubasa frowned at the situation that Honoka was in.

"It's hard to believe that something like that could happen" Tsubasa said

"I don't know what to do in this situation. I was hiding all of my pain from the others for such a long time and now secret has been discovered" Honoka said

Tsubasa thought about it for a minute and got an idea. She could convince Honoka to leave Muse and come over to UTX and join A-rise.

"Honoka I have a proposition for you" Tsubasa said

"A proposition?" Honoka asked

"I think you should come over to UTX and join A-rise" Tsubasa said

Honoka's eyes went wide when she heard what Tsubasa suggested. If Honoka were go through with this then she would be abandoning Muse and Otonokizaka. Honoka didn't know what the right choice was.

"I don't know if I should do that" Honoka said

"Think about it Honoka. If you join us then those mean comments will stop and they will start to love. They'll see how much you shine" Tsubasa said

Tsubasa stood up and extended her hand to Honoka.

"Come with us Honoka and we'll protect you" Tsubasa said

Honoka didn't what it was but something was telling her to grab her and join A-rise. Maybe it was her brain because she wanted the cyber bullying to stop. Honoka felt like she was in a trance and she started to reach towards Tsubasa to take her hand. Honoka was about to take her hand but a loud voice stopped her in her tracks. Honoka and Tsubasa looked over and saw that it was Umi. She marched over to them and grabbed Honoka and pulled her close to her.

"I've heard enough! Honoka will not be joining A-rise" Umi said

"That isn't for you to decide. This is Honoka's decision" Tsubasa said

"You were manipulating her!" Umi said

"That quite an assumption Umi" Tsubasa said

"It's not an assumption! I know that you were trying to manipulate her into joining A-rise. You wanted her to leave Otonokizaka and Muse! You wanted her to enroll in UTX and join A-rise!" Umi said

"Even if all of that is true the decision belongs to Honoka. What will it be Honoka? Will join us or stay with them?" Tsubasa asked

Honoka was having mixed feelings right now. She really didn't know what to do. Honoka tried to come up with an answer. She could stay at the school that caused her pain or she could go to a new school to have fresh new start. Honoka also thought about her friends as well.

"Umi?" Honoka asked

"What is it Honoka?" Umi asked

Do you think everyone else will hate me if they knew that this was happening to me?" Honoka asked

"Of course not. They'll probably be upset that you didn't tell them about this earlier but they won't hate you. All of us will be there when you need us. Even if you join A-rise we won't stop being friends" Umi said

Honoka was moved by Umi's words and made her decision.

"Tsubasa" Honoka said

"Yes Honoka?" Tsubasa said

"I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm staying with Muse" Honoka said

Tsubasa was shocked that Honoka chose to remain where she was instead of joining her.

"I see. That's too bad but there's nothing I can do about it. I'll see you later" Tsubasa said

Tsubasa left Umi and Honoka alone. The reason that Honoka was here was because Umi told her to meet her here.

"Did I make the right choice?" Honoka asked

"I think you did" Umi said

Both girls journeyed downtown and Honoka ended up spending the night over at Umi's house. She hoped that everything would get better soon.


	3. Kotori's move

Honoka was watching another video and it wasn't any better than the comments on some of the live shows. The person in the video was a fan but she was like everyone else. The girl in the video was telling her viewers on why Honoka shouldn't be in Muse. Honoka saw that the video had a ton of likes. It had way more likes then dislikes. Honoka couldn't believe that her fans would as far as to make videos on why she shouldn't be in Muse. Honoka's depression was getting even worse and she was starting to believe that she wasn't fit to be an idol herself. Everyone did something that helped out the group.

Umi was the personal trainer, Maki was the voice trainer, Kotori was the costume designer, Eli was the dance choreographer, Nico was the idol expert, Rin was the supporter, Nozomi was the mother that made sure that everyone was in perfect health, and Hanayo was the idol professor. While Honoka was only the leader that did nothing to help out since she didn't understand how to perform most of the things that the others do.

Honoka heard a knock at her door and was surprised since she wasn't expecting any visitors. She got up and opened the door. To her surprise it was Kotori.

"Hi, Kotori" Honoka said

"Hi, Honoka, may I come in?" Kotori asked

"Sure" Honoka said

Honoka invited her in and they both were the living room. They both were on the couch and Kotori got straight to the point.

"I heard what's been going on" Kotori said

"Really?" Honoka asked

"Umi told me about it and she was really worried about you" Kotori said

"I wanted to keep it a secret but I guess that's impossible" Honoka said

Kotori needed to get Honoka out of the picture as soon as possible but she didn't want to dirty her hands herself so she came up with a plan. She was gonna try to convince Honoka to kill herself. She already knew that Honoka was very depressed and she wasn't in her right state of mind. It would be easy for her to manipulate her.

"Honoka, do you want all of this to end?" Kotori asked

"What do you mean?" Honoka asked

"Do you want all of the abuse that your fans are giving you to end?" Kotori asked

"Of course I do" Honoka said

Kotori smiled. Honoka saw this and thought that she had an idea on how to end it all of this hate that was being tossed at her. In a way Honoka was right.

"You should disappear" Kotori said

"Disappear?" Honoka asked

"You should put an end to your life because that's the only way that all of this is going to stop" Kotori said

Honoka couldn't believe the words that were coming out of Kotori's mouth. Kotori was basically telling her to kill herself.

"I can't do that, I still have so much to do with my life" Honoka said

"There's no point in living if no one loves you" Kotori said

Honoka's eyes went wide when she heard what Kotori just said. What did she mean by that?

"What are you talking about? A lot of people love me. My family loves me and so do my friends" Honoka said

"I'm afraid that no one has loved you at all we were just pretending. I was pretending as well" Kotori said

Honoka could barely form any words after what she was just told. Honoka began to deny what she was just told.

"That's not true! You're lying! You, me and Umi have been together since childhood" Honoka said

"Me and Umi were just pretending to care about you because we felt sorry for you and now I decided to reveal the truth to you" Kotori said

Honoka was speechless and Kotori just smiled at her.

"You should just end your misery right now" Kotori said

Honoka was convinced that what Kotori just told her was the truth.

"You're right" Honoka said

"I'll leave you alone now" Kotori said

Kotori left the house and Honoka was now all alone. She was now convinced that she was supposed to die. Honoka got up and went to the kitchen. She found a sharp kitchen knife, it was the perfect tool to end her life. She put her other hand on her chest to feel her heartbeat so she knows where her heart is. When she found where her heart was she positioned the knife and aimed it at her chest. Honoka was going to stab herself in the heart.

MEABWHILE WITH UMI

Umi made the decision to drop by Honoka's house to see how she was doing. Umi made to the house and knocked on the door. She waited for her to the answer the door but she didn't come. Umi was starting to get worried about her. She was starting to get a bad feeling that something major was about to happen. Umi tested the door and was surprised that the door was unlocked.

"Excuse the intrusion" Umi muttered

Umi entered the house and was on her way to Honoka's room but what she saw when she entered the kitchen. There was Honoka and she was holding a kitchen knife near her chest. She saw that Honoka was about to stab herself, Umi acted quickly and was able to stop Honoka before she could end her own life. Honoka felt a pair of hands grab her and that stopped her suicide attempt.

Honoka looked up and saw that it was Umi. Honoka didn't understand why Umi was stopping her from ending it. It was possible that she wanted to torture her some more before she could end it.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU IDIOT?!" Umi asked

Honoka couldn't speak since she couldn't form any words.

"WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?!" Umi asked

"Don't pretend to care about me" Honoka said

"What are you talking about?" Umi asked

"No one loves me! They pretended to care about me because they felt sorry for me" Honoka said

Umi couldn't believe what Honoka was saying. Where on earth did Honoka get such an idea? How did she get such an idea in her head?

"I don't know where you got that idea but you're wrong. Everyone cares about you. No one hates you!" Umi said

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" Honoka yelled

"I'M NOT LYING! IT'S THE TRUTH!" Umi yelled back

Honoka didn't want to live anymore. She didn't want to live in a world where everyone hated her. She tried to pull the knife towards her chest again. She was trying to overpower Umi but it wasn't working.

"Stop it!" Umi said

"No! I don't want to live in a world where I'm hated" Honoka said

"No one hates you!" Umi said

"Stop pretending to care about me and just let me die!" Honoka said

"If I really hated you then I wouldn't be trying to stop you from doing this right now" Umi said

That made Honoka freeze in place and that gave Umi the chance to take the knife away from her. Honoka was still frozen. Honoka didn't know what was going on anymore. She didn't know who to trust anymore. She didn't know who was telling the truth and who was lying.

Umi saw the look of confusion on her face. She embraced her and told her that she was loved by everyone. She kept telling her how loved she was until she would start to believe that she's actually loved. Umi made the decision to stay by Honoka's side for the night so she can keep an eye on her. She didn't want Honoka to try another suicide attempt. Umi also noticed that Honoka had some cuts on her arms. She realized that Honoka had been cutting herself. Umi treated Honoka's injuries and kept a close eye on her so she can make sure that doesn't harm herself anymore.

The next day at school Honoka was on the roof alone. She was having an internal conflict with herself. She didn't know what to do anymore. She heard some footsteps approach her from behind. She turned around and saw that it was Kotori.

"I thought you were going to end it all" Kotori said

"I tried to but Umi came by and stopped me from doing that. Now she tells me that no one hates me. I don't know what to believe anymore" Honoka said

"Don't worry Honoka. If you can't end it then I'll do it for you" Kotori said

Honoka saw Kotori bring out a small knife and started to approach her. Honoka started to back away slowly. Kotori was starting to scare her. Honoka felt her back hit a wall and since Kotori was already so close there was nowhere to run. Honoka saw Kotori looking at her with dead fish eyes.

"Goodbye Honoka" Kotori said

Honoka closed her eyes and waited for the pain to come but it never did. Honoka opened her eyes and saw there was a hand grabbing Kotori's wrist. She looked to see that it was Umi and she was furious.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE TRYING TO DO?!" Umi asked

Kotori couldn't talk because she was so shocked by Umi's sudden appearance. She threw Kotori to the ground and started to yell at her. She told her to get out of here and never approach her and Honoka ever again. Umi embraced Honoka and vowed to protect her from anything that wants to harm her.


	4. Honoka in denial

Honoka stayed with Umi for the night. She was still in shock when Kotori tried to kill her. She was denial right now. There was no way someone as sweet as Kotori would try to kill her. They were childhood friends. Kotori and Umi are her best friends.

Umi was watching Honoka as she stared off into space. She was worried about Honoka's mental state. Kotori just tried to kill her and she was showing almost no reaction. Could she be in shock? She was really concerned about her. She decided to confront her.

"Honoka, are you okay?" Umi asked

Honoka looked at Umi and smiled. Umi frowned when she saw the smiling that she was giving her. Usually Umi really liked Honoka's smiles but the one that she was giving her right now was not her normal smile. It was a painful smile. Honoka was still trying to hide her pain.

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" Honoka asked

"Well, Kotori just tried to kill you" Umi said

Honoka looked at Umi like she had two heads.

"Kotori was just trying to help that's all" Honoka said

Umi couldn't the words that were coming out of Honoka's mouth. She's making sound like that Kotori was still her friend. The last time Umi checked friends don't kill each other.

"Honoka, Kotori was trying to kill you" Umi said

"You're wrong! Kotori was trying to help me! All three of us are best friends! Why would she try to kill me? It makes no sense" Honoka said

Umi realized that Honoka was in denial. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew the truth but she refuses to believe it. She's putting on another mask to hide her pain from others.

"If Kotori was really trying to help you then why did she have a knife?" Umi said

Honoka looked at her like she was crazy.

"It obvious that she was in hurry and brought here by accident" Honoka said

"Then explain why she was pointing at you" Umi said

"She was just doing that to express herself" Honoka said

"Ok, then explain why it looked like she was about to stab you" Umi said

"W-well" Honoka stuttered

Umi saw that Honoka was struggling to come up with an answer.

"And explain why you looked so scared" Umi said

Honoka was started to get even more confused.

"You even backed up against the wall to get away from her. Care to explain that?" Umi asked

"I-I don't know why I reacted like that" Honoka said

"And just before Kotori was about to stab you do you remember the last thing she said to you?" Umi said

Honoka remained silent. She was starting to get scared.

"I'll tell you. She said "Goodbye Honoka" You do remember that don't you?" Umi asked

"Maybe she was saying goodbye because she was planning on going somewhere" Honoka said

"Honoka no matter how you look at it she tried to kill you. Just accept it" Umi said

"No! I refuse to believe that she would try to do something so awful" Honoka said

"Kotori tried to make kill yourself yesterday. And when she saw that you were still alive today she decided to take matters into her own hands. She tried to kill you when you failed to kill yourself!" Umi said

"You're wrong, Umi! You're wrong! Kotori wouldn't do something like that! Maybe the Kotori we saw wasn't the real Kotori. Maybe she has a secret twin sister or something" Honoka said

"Face reality, Honoka! I want to help you!" Umi said

"Blaming Kotori isn't helping me at all!" Honoka said

Umi's patience was reaching its limit. Honoka was always stubborn when she wanted to be and this was one of those moments.

"Do you remember the look that Kotori gave you when she tried to kill you? Did Kotori have the same smile?" Umi asked

Honoka paused and thought back to what Kotori looked like. She did have a smile on her face. Now that she thought about it, the smile that her childhood friend gave her was different. Umi saw that Honoka was starting to slowly accept the truth but she needed more convincing.

"Honoka, if Kotori was really trying to help you then she wouldn't try to kill you. She wouldn't encourage you to take your own life. Are you saying that after all that she's still trying to help you?" Umi asked

Honoka was slowly breaking down. Umi had to push her a little more.

"Are you still convinced that she was trying to help you after all the terrible things she's done to you?" Umi asked

Umi brought out her phone and showed Honoka one crude comments. What really caught her attention was the username. The username was Minalinsky. That was Kotori's username.

Honoka was shocked to see that Kotori was among the various amounts of people who sent her those mean comments.

"Don't you see that Kotori no longer cares for you? She doesn't see you as a friend anymore. She wants you dead and she's willing to do anything to see that mission accomplished" Umi said

"No" Honoka said

"Don't you understand? She hates you now" Umi said

"No" Honoka said

"It pains me to tell you this but I have to make realize the truth behind Kotori's actions" Umi said

"No…No" Honoka said

Umi watched as Honoka was slowly having a mental breakdown.

"It can't be. It can't be true. It's all a lie. It's just a dream. A really bad dream. A nightmare" Honoka muttered

Umi saw that Honoka didn't need any more convincing. It broke her heart to do this to her but she had to. She was only doing this to protect her from Kotori.

"Kotori really tried to kill me didn't she?" Honoka asked

"Yes, she did" Umi said

After receiving that answer Honoka finally broke down.

"NOOOOOOO!" Honoka screeched

Honoka was on her knees and gripping her head tightly. Tears were quickly sliding down her face like a waterfall. Umi saw that she had finally accepted what Kotori had been trying to do to her. She stepped forward and embraced Honoka in comforting hug.

"Why did she do it? Why did she try to kill me?! Please tell me! I need to know!"

"I don't know" Umi said

Umi kept Honoka in tight embrace. She only had one wish and that was to protect Honoka from anything that could harm her.

Umi is sad too. She's sad that Kotori changed into some criminal. It broke her heart too. But Honoka was more affected by this than she was. The only thing she could do was be there for her when she really needed her.


End file.
